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everything is different
but i suppose that's the blight of growing up. everything is different. it's always going to be that way.

i miss last year. by that i don't mean i miss all of last year. some things are better.

i don't miss engineering.
i don't miss the walk to HAL being twice as long.
i don't miss waking up before 8am and already being late.
i don't miss Rockwell. or Hoyt.

i definitely don't miss Mr. Henry or Dr. Wagner.

i miss All-Terrain-Bocce.
i miss feeding people out of my never-ending food-supply in my bottom drawer.
i miss my freshmen hall.
i miss Walking Joe.
i miss being on a frisbee team that couldn't beat the upperclassmen teams, but wouldn't stop trying.
i miss people being in my room non-stop.
i miss hanging out and studying (aka updating blogs, taking a break for jones' soda, then going up to Mike and Jimmy's for playstation).
i miss hanging out late at night in the RAs room with the lights off, just listening to thunderstorms and talking about the real things in life.

i miss 3am walks around Memorial. every floor. several times. talking about stuff that matters. like girls.

and now it's just too quiet. it's all weird. the unity here is a different kind of unity. it's like a unity of separation...or a solidarity of severance. there's fellowship, but it's a different brand--one much less intoxicating. there's not permanently 10 people living in JustinBarry's room. in fact, there's hardly ever anybody in there. it's different in a way that i can't sit on slumpy next to Jaybee and talk. the Neuch lives in Hicks, so he doesn't come in all the time and play my guitar anymore. and i don't go into their room and take Buddy's guitar. we don't have anything nearly as awesome as blindfolded obstacle races in the hall. or the 45-second rush of King of the Hall. i can't just walk around and go right into people's rooms anymore, because most of the doors are shut, or nobody's there. maybe it's just living the suites coupled with living on third floor lincoln, away from where all my friends outside of the frat live, but nobody comes and sits on my couch anymore. nobody studies in here. nobody just sits here and talks to me.

"Cause this room is so peaceful
and this room is so quiet
and i hate the silence
and i can't walk..."
-Center Isle, Caedmon's Call

but at the same time, it's not all that bad. maybe i'm over-expressing my lonesomeness. i think it's just late. and i haven't even been listening to Dashboard Confessional to get me into this little melancholy mood this time.